不随波逐流，做美丽独特的华南人

Adrift in the Current of Life—Stop!

Be a beautiful, unique, Hwa Nan individual!

尊敬的老师们,亲爱的同学们: 大家好!

Respected teachers, dear students and graduates: greetings!

   今天很高兴能有此殊荣站在台上与你们共享毕业盛典，一起见证你们这一重要人生里程碑。请允许我祝贺你们顺利完成学业，祝贺你们即将开启新的人生旅程！此时此刻看到如此绽放的你们，仿佛回到了我当年在华南度过的时光。 我内心充满喜悦，犹如我和你们再毕业一次似的。

      I'm very pleased to have this special honor of standing at this podium and sharing with you this joyful moment at this commencement ceremony and witnessing this important milestone of your life. Allow me to congratulate you on finishing your studies successfully and starting on your new life journey. At this particular moment when I see you in full bloom I am so delighted that it reminds me of my time in Hwa Nan and it feel as if I'm about to graduate all over again with you.

我是1992年从华南女子学院实用英语专业毕业的。实话说，当时毕业，除了兴奋，更多的是迷茫。那时我不知道自己今后人生路要怎么走，自己要干什么，会干什么? 那时我无法想象二十年后，我会在美国马里兰州立大学里任教，培养心理咨询师。我华南毕业时并没意识到在华南的三年时间曾怎样地造就了我。无论是从人格，知识技能上，华南都为我打下了坚实的基础，帮助我面对和克服日后生活遇到的困难和挫折。

I graduated in 1992 as an Applied English major from Hwa Nan.  To be honest, when I graduated, I experienced more confusion than excitement.  I did not know what the rest of my life would be like, what I wanted to do, and what I could do. At that time I could not imagine that twenty years later, I would be teaching at the University of Maryland and training counselors. When I graduated from Hwa Nan I did not realize the impact made by the last three years—both in personality and knowledge.  Hwa Nan gave me a solid foundation to help me face and overcome the difficulties and setbacks I had later in life.  

我特别感谢华南为我提供的独特的，多元的文化环境。当时，我们学校有14个外教，比许多名牌高校的外教还要多。最难得的是，我所认识的那些外教很有爱心和责任感，她们是真心地关心我们，帮助我们。她们是非常好的榜样（role models）和导师 （mentors）, 给我的人生起了模范引领作用，我一辈子都感谢她们！二十多年过去了，我至今仍和其中几位保持联系。我要感谢的外教很多，比如Alethea Thomas, Lisa Ravenhill, Mary Logsdon, Michelle Long … 她们给了我不同的文化视角，第一次让年轻的我感受到多元化的生活态度与人生哲学; 第一次让我体会到什么是无条件的爱和奉献！ 正是她们让我对生活本身有了诗情，浪漫的理解和追求，也帮助我开始有意识地无条件地接受自己和他人，慢慢地去领悟施比受更有福的真谛。

     I am especially grateful for the unique and multicultural environment that Hwa Nan provided for me. At that time there were fourteen foreign teachers, more than at other well-known universities in China.  The most precious aspect was that those foreign teachers I knew were full of love. They genuinely cared about us, and wanted to help us.  They were excellent role models and mentors for my life. I will be indebted to them all my life. More than twenty years have passed but I am still in touch with several of them.  There are many foreign teachers I am still fond of such as Lisa Ravenhill, Alethea Thomas, Mary Logsdon, and Michelle Long . . .  For the first time I was introduced to a multicultural life perspective and philosophy.  Also for the first time they let me experience unconditional love and giving.  It is because of them that I have a poetic and romantic understanding and pursuit of life. It also helped me to be aware of the importance of unconditionally accepting myself and others.  Slowly I understood that it is more blessed to give than to receive. 

     我在美国生活工作多年后，去年第一次回来，看到我的家乡高楼林立，焕然一新，面目全非了，感觉福州在火箭似的发展着。时过境迁，我不得不重新认识记忆中的福州。但很高兴的是，始终不变的是乡音和记忆中的美食。热气腾腾的锅边糊、油油的海蛎饼、三角糕还有那简简单单的空心菜依然可口无比。

     After many years of living and working in the United States, I came back for the first time last year.  I got to see the building jungles of Fuzhou and all the changes in my hometown. It has become totally unrecognizable. What a rocket-like speed of development!  Circumstances have changed with the passage of time and I have had to get to know Fuzhou all over again.  What pleases me is that the sound of the local dialect is still familiar and the cuisine that I remember still tastes the same! For example, steaming hot seafood soup with rice rolls, oily oyster pancake, triangular rice pancake, and the simple 'morning glory' vegetable—all so mouthwatering! 

这次回国有一个似曾相识的感觉---似乎大家比原先更重视物质生活方面的追求。亲朋老友聚在一起，谈话的内容常常离不开房子、车子和 收入；而且在世俗生活的享受方面，人们有着很强的从众心理，大家会自然地去攀比、摆阔，以此来显示自己的成功和重要性。人一旦自愿随从了强大的，无所不在 的从众心理的引导，那就等于放弃了我们最宝贵的独立思考的能力，是一种对自己不负责的表现。这让我想起也是因着从众心理的影响，我华南毕业时感到迷茫和无 所适从。那时似乎觉得我也应当遵循和大家一样的追求，才能有成功的人生。隐约地记得我也曾跟着别人一起羡慕过还没毕业就在银行找到稳定工作的同学, 尽管我内心清楚银行工作的性质以及它的稳定性对我并没有吸引力。我还羡慕过那些长得比我高的同学，因为她们不会因为身高问题，失去工作面试的机会。二十多年过去了，对身高的歧视可能还没什么改变，不知在座个子矮的同学是否和当年的我有同感？

This time when I returned to China I had deja vu.  It seems like everyone is more focused on the pursuit of wealth. When family members and old friends get together their topics are always associated with houses, cars, and income. In the enjoyment of the worldly aspects of life people seem to have very strong desire to conform to one another.  People naturally tend to compare themselves and show off their wealth in order to impress others with their success and importance. Once people voluntarily conform with the powerful ever present herd mentality it means we are giving up our most precious gift of independent thinking; how personally irresponsible. I am reminded how confused and lost I  felt on graduating when I was also impacted by this pull to conform to what others wanted for my life. At that time I felt that the only guaranteed good life was to follow what society deemed as successful. I vaguely remember how my classmates and I admired those among us who had already secured positions in the bank before they graduated. Even though I was very clear that this type of job and the stability it offered was not what I desired. I also admired those who were taller than me because they would have a lot more job interview opportunities because of their height.  More than twenty years has passed and I am afraid that this height prejudice has not changed. I wonder if anyone of my height here today still feels the same way.  J

华南毕业后不久，我有机会在NIKE -- 一 家名牌运动鞋公司，担任质检员。记得当时的工资是其他普通毕业生工资的十倍左右。鞋子的制作，质量把关是很重要的事。大家都知道穿双不合脚的鞋是多么地不 舒服啊！但年轻而书呆，或者说，浪漫的我终究不能理解把一天的时间精力花在摆弄鞋子上，将自己的生命奉献给穿在脚上的鞋子的价值所在。那令人垂涎三尺的高 薪竟然没能提供我足够的动力为之献身！辞职之后的许多年里，我的家人和亲戚朋友常常为之可惜，认为那是不可理喻， 甚至是很愚蠢的决定。 回首往事，我才明白那不是我不适应社会，而是我一直执著寻求自己的人生方向。在准备这篇讲稿时，我突然想：假如当初我就那么一直在NIKE 呆 下来，现在会怎样？这个问题，我以前想都没想过。如果真是那样，我这些年的收入总和一定比现在多很多，也用不着花上十年的时间没日没夜地努力学习工作，象 孩子一样全身心地投入去体验，适应另外一种文化。但是，当质检员，天天把玩运动鞋，还真不是我想要做的工作，想要过的生活。重新再来一次，无可救药的我还 是一样地选择离开。不过，大家不要误会，我还是很喜欢NIKE 鞋的，一直很感谢那次的工作机会和体验，帮助我认识了自己。

Not long after I graduated from Hwa Nan I got the opportunity to work for NIKE—a well-known sport shoe company—to be an inspector.  I remember that my salary at the time was about ten times that of the average college graduate. The quality control involved in making shoes is very important. Everybody knows how uncomfortable it is to wear shoes that do not fit well.  But eventually the young, nerdy but romantic me could not tolerate spending my time and energy playing all day with shoes. Most people drooled with envy over my high salary.  However it did not provide me with enough motivation to devote the rest of my life to ensure the quality of other people's shoes.  Many years after I resigned, my friends and relatives still thought it was a shame, ridiculous and foolish to have given up all that money.  Looking back I now understand it was not that I did not adjust well to society but that I was driven to pursue my own life's direction. While preparing for this speech I suddenly thought what if I had remained at NIKE?  I had never thought about it before. In that case my income would be much more than what I have now, I would not have had to work and study day and night for the past ten years, and I would not have had to struggle child-like through a new culture. Nevertheless, being an inspector playing with sport shoes all day long would not have been the kind of job and life that I wanted to have.  If I had to do it all over again with what I know now, I would still make exactly the same decision to leave. Please do not misunderstand me, I am very fond of NIKE shoes and thankful for that early job opportunity and experience.  It helped me to know who I am and what I wanted out of life. 

生 命只有一次，我选择过勇敢的生活。我认为最糟糕的人生是因为害怕失败，谨小慎微，只听从别人的意见，从不敢自己做决定，也没能力为自己的决定负责任，一辈 子过着别人的生活，有一天沦落到了只有幻想的份：幻想着假如当初我做了自己很想做却又不敢做的事，假如当初我有勇气真地过上了我梦想中的生活，那会是什么 样呢? 所以，我鼓励学妹学弟们要勇敢地面对人生，面对各种的挑战，抵制霸道而吵杂的从众心理的影响，跟从你们内心微弱声音的引导。请你们不要害怕成长过程中必经的磨难和阵痛；反而要拥抱每一次的挫折，因为那都是化了妆的祝福，是为你量身定做的，最佳的学习机会！

We only get one chance at life, so I choose to live bravely. I believe the saddest life is to fear failure, always listen to others, dare not make their own decisions, have no courage to take risks and responsibility, and end up living someone else's life.  Then one day all they have left is a fantasy of "what if . . . ?"  What if I did what I really wanted to do?  What if I had the courage to live my dream life and what would it be like?  Therefore I encourage my Hwa Nan fellows to bravely face life and all its challenges.  Resist the bossy and noisy influence of conformity, and follow the still small voice inside you.  Please do not be afraid of suffering and agony that you may have to experience while growing.  Instead, embrace every setback because these can be individualized disguised blessings, and the best learning opportunities. 

这 些年我在美国大学工作，我所接触到的同事，博士生，研究生还是大学生，绝大多数的人都是真诚地出于对本专业由衷地热爱而选择自己的专业的。大一大二学生常 常频繁地换专业，直到找到自己喜欢的方向为止。由于换专业，不少的学生要多上很多课，甚至要多呆上一两年才能完成规定学业课程，拿到该专业的文凭，但他们 在所不惜。因为他们深知：如果不是出于真正的兴趣和满腔的激情，今后不得不每一天八小时紧张地工作上几十年，那才是痛苦不堪的，对自己不负责的选择。

These years that I have worked in American universities, the majority of my colleagues, doctoral students, master's students and undergraduates choose their majors out of sincere interest. First and second year students commonly change their majors until they find what really excites them.  Due to this fact some students end up taking a lot of extra classes and stay on one or two extra years to finish their degree.  However, they never regret this additional time and effort, for they well know the empty torment of working eight hours a day year in and year out for something that do not interest them.  It is also a truly irresponsible personal choice. 

有的人很幸运，一开始就认准了自己的工作激情所在。但大部分人没有这样的捷径可走。我在华南念的是实用英语专业，后来研究生念的是社会学，读博士期间主修心理咨询学，辅修教育心理学。要发现自己喜欢和擅长的工作，需要时间，要经历很多的所谓的“失败”， 但这个发现和了解自己的过程并不是一种浪费，而是一种宝贵的积累。所以，不要因你现在所学的专业限制了你未来的发展。从我个人经历来看，华南念的英语为我 在美国做临床心理咨询工作以及教学奠定了坚实的语言基础；在研究各种心理学的课题时，我总是大大受益于社会学独特的宏观视野； 更不用说，我在授课时得益于所修的教育心理学。我想说的是: 凡你用心所学的，被消化了的知识， 都很有价值； 对“白学了”的担心常常是多余的。

Some people are lucky for they know from the beginning what they are passionate about.  But the majority of people do not have such a shortcut.  I studied Applied English at Hwa Nan and got my Master's degree in Sociology.  I majored in Rehabilitation Counseling and minored in Educational Psychology. From my personal experience the English I studied in Hwa Nan gave me a solid language foundation for clinical counseling work and supervising others in the United States. When I did my research in psychology I greatly benefitted from the special macro perspective of Sociology, not to mention that my teaching was helped by educational psychology. So whatever you study with your heart will always be of use. Concerns that you are wasting your time in education are often unnecessary. Every learning has a purpose. 

这次回国，我还注意到不少人，如果没有财富可炫耀，便喜欢谈论自己的工作是何等地清闲。 而这种有关清闲的自夸，如果是在美国文化背景下，会很令人费解：因为这说明了此人不但对社会没有贡献，而且还是一个浪费社会资源的社会包袱。没有人会因自己是一个对社会，对他人没有贡献，而只知道享受的人而感到自豪的。 这 也与华南受当施，施比受更有福的精神直接相违背。我希望华南毕业生们不要过早地追求清闲安逸，这种廉价的生活享乐可能导致一种浅浮的优越感，但最终是不能 给人带来很深的幸福感和成就感。希望华南学子们能用心去体会勤勤恳恳，踏踏实实，努力工作的价值，不为自己的辛劳而抱怨，反而因自己诚实的付出而倍感自豪。

On returning this time, I noticed quite a few people, if they do not have wealth to show off, love to boast how carefree and easy their job is.  In American culture, this is quite hard to understand.  Not only does this person not contribute to society but he or she wastes social resources and is a burden to society. Nobody is proud to have no contribution to society or others while they only indulge in the enjoyment of life.  In addition, this lifestyle goes directly against the Hwa Nan motto—Having Received I Ought to Give, and It is More Blessed to Give than to Receive.  I hope Hwa Nan graduates will not pursue too early a life of ease and retirement.  This type of cheap life enjoyment can easily lead to a superficial sense of superiority but it will not give you a deep sense of satisfaction or achievement eventually.  I would like the Hwa Nan fellows to understand the value of hard work and not complain about the hardships, but feel proud of their honest sacrifice. 

同学们，感谢你们这几年里给华南注入新鲜的活力和激情，感谢你们和华南一起成长，给华南留下美好的记忆与无限的回味。正是因为你们，华南永远年轻，永远不老。我们有幸一起成为华南人，我们以华南为荣，华南母校也以我们为荣！

Student body, thank you for instilling fresh energy and passion to Hwa Nan all these years.  Thank you for growing with Hwa Nan, and thank you for leaving such beautiful and powerful memories behind you.  Because of you Hwa Nan will never grow old.  We are fortunate to be Hwa Nan alumni.  We are proud of Hwa Nan and Hwa Nan will be proud of us too.

   我只想鼓励大家，做你想做的事，希望你们不为眼前的功利和从众心理所困，真正地为自己负责任，坚持你们心中的梦想，勇敢地拥有一种更为丰富、更有激情、属于你个人的、色彩斑斓的生活！让我们不随波逐流，做美丽独特的华南人！最后，我不想说“祝同学们一切顺利，万事如意”；因为人生充满曲折，要事事如意是不可能的。我衷心祝愿华南的巾帼英雄们不屈不挠，尤其在这处处都充斥男女不平等的社会里，更需要你们勇敢无畏地追求你们的梦想，精诚之至，前程似锦，施比受更有福！谢谢大家！

            I only wish to encourage you all—do what you want to do, do not be tempted by near-sighted benefits or give in to conformity.  Be responsible and true to yourself, never let go of your dreams, and bravely pursue a richer, more passionate, colorful life.  Adrift in the Current of Life—Stop!  Be a beautiful, unique, Hwa Nan individual!  Finally, I do not want to wish you a smooth future with everything going your way, because life is full of twists and turns and it is impossible for everything to go your way.  You are Hwa Nan heroines. Since we live in a sexist society, your perseverance and resilience is even more important for you to pursue your dreams for nothing is impossible for a willing heart.  May your future be beautifully embroidered. Remember it is always more blessed to give than to receive.  Thank you.